Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
