At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
