And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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