4 words: hood of his car
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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