Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
