Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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