theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
