you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
