This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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