4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
