What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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