Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
