she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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