My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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