I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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