In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
