if you like me you must not know who I am
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
