I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
