i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
