Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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