hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
