3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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