oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
