her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
