Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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