girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
