we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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