Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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