there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
