my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
