If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
