how can u be prego again
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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