I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
