Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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