They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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