If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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