I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
