If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
