you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
