Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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