My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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