gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
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You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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