Barsexuality is the new black.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
