please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
