i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize