Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He shit in the fireplace
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
