Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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