shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
