i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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