Im at strip club and am horny
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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