They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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