MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
