Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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