The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
