If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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